And now for some inadvertent comedy hidden in a survey of Republicans:

Americans who suggest Barack Obama should rot in hell are apparently deadly serious.

Nearly a quarter of Republicans believe the Democrat president ‘may be the Antichrist’, according to a survey.

Who actually asks these sort of questions? I do like the weasel word “may” in the quote, as in “Obama may be an American,” or “Obama may be the offspring of a Martian sheep pimp.” There’s lots of wiggle room in “may.” Anyway, any prominent person “may” be the antichrist, but we’d have to look at his actions and words to know. And as it says in 2 Thessalonians 2:4, the antichrist “sitteth in the temple of God, shewing himself that he is God.” Can you think of a prominent politician whom people see as God?

An even greater number compared him to Hitler.

The corollary to Godwin’s law should have stopped this poll right there.

More than half of the Republicans quizzed by Harris Poll, 57 per cent, believed the president was secretly Muslim, something he has consistently denied.

His favoritism to Muslim nations and his antagonism to Israel surely doesn’t indicate anything. Nor does the time Obama mentioned “my Muslim faith.” George Stephanopoulos was quick to correct him. It was a simple mistake, and one I make all the time as mistakenly call myself a Hindu instead of Christian.

And 67 per cent of Republicans who responded believed Obama was a socialist, despite his central leanings.

With the passing of socialized medicine, I believe the answer should be closer to 100% now.

Little Green Footballs pointed to a survey filled out by 307 American Muslims at the Islamic Society of North America’s convention held in Chicago at the beginning of September. In their own words, here is the purpose and the scope of this survey:

The purpose of the survey was to better understand the views of American Muslims on issues relating to Islam, Muslims, and American national security. It is important to let Muslims articulate their varied opinions on these issues in order to encourage dialogue within the Muslim community and with the rest of American society.

However, this was NOT a scientific survey, because ISNA Convention attendees who visited the Muslims For A Safe America booth are not necessarily representative of the American Muslim community as a whole.

So we can’t take the results of this survey as being true for every Muslim in the United States, whether a citizen or not, nor can we apply these results to non-U.S. citizens, whether here or abroad. But even with all those caveats, there is some interesting data from the survey. You can read the entire survey response at their website, but here are some that piqued my interest.

3. Is the American government at war with the religion of Islam?
YES 208
NO 79
UNDECIDED 20

Which is why there are are no mosques left standing in the United States now, and all Muslims have been rounded up and shipped out of the country. Wait, I guess we haven’t done that, have we. If the U.S. government is at war with the religion of Islam, we sure haven’t done much to fight that war. But this survey is not about reality; it is a look at the mind-set of the 307 participants of the survey.

5. Did Muslims hijack planes and fly them into buildings on 9/11?
YES 117
NO 139
UNDECIDED 51

6. Did the U.S. government have advance knowledge of the 9/11 attacks, and allow the attacks to occur?
YES 200

NO 70
UNDECIDED 37

7. Did the U.S. government organize the 9/11 attacks?
YES 106
NO 151
UNDECIDED 50

Thank you, moonbat left and crazy professors, for making many of these American Muslims believe that the U.S. knew and/or caused the 9/11 attacks.

12. Is Al Qaeda a real organization, operated by Muslims who are trying to attack America?
YES 149

NO 109
UNDECIDED 49

13. Is Al Qaeda attacking America because Al Qaeda hates American freedoms?
YES 17
NO 269
UNDECIDED 21

14. Is Al Qaeda attacking America because Al Qaeda hates American involvement in the Muslim world?
YES 228

NO 54
UNDECIDED 25

If only 149 of the participants answered #12 as Yes, Al Qaeda exists and is run by Muslims who are trying to attack America, then how did 228 answer Yes to #14, that Al Qaeda is attacking the U.S. because they hate our involvement in the Muslim world? The two answers can’t both be accurate because they contradict each other.

24. Should American troops leave Iraq immediately, or stay there until the Iraqi government and Iraqi military are stronger?
LEAVE NOW 199
LEAVE LATER 86

UNDECIDED 22

If the U.S. and allied forces were to pull out of Iraq immediately, the way the majority of these participants want, the result would be a horrific blood-bath among the Iraqi people as different factions there and in neighboring countries would compete to fill the power vacuum. How compassionate are these people if they are willing to see fellow Muslims die in the thousands and possible hundreds of thousands just so they can have the pleasure of seeing American soldiers run away from the fighting in Iraq?

26. Is violence by Muslims against American civilians acceptable, in retaliation for the American government’s actions in the Muslim world?
YES 23
NO 274

UNDECIDED 10

Those 23 people scare me, but they should scare the other 284 Muslims more. Do they really want to see an American war against the religion of Islam? If so, they need to do nothing while their co-religionists kill fellow Americans.

30. If you learned about a plot by Muslims to attack targets inside America, would you tell law enforcement authorities?
YES 234
NO 39

UNDECIDED 34

And this is another scary number. 39 of the people who answered the survey would not tell the police if they learned of a plot to kill people and break things. And if the 23 people who answered No to the earlier question were among the 39 who answered Yes to this one, I can see why they might not want to say anything.

2. Do you consider yourself to be a Muslim first, an American first, or both equally?
MUSLIM FIRST 214
AMERICAN FIRST 4

BOTH EQUALLY 86
UNDECIDED 3

Initially, I was shocked by the answers to this question, but after I thought about it, I had to agree with the 214 people who said they were Muslims first. If my country and my religion were in conflict, I would also choose my faith first. I just don’t see much of a conflict now between my faith and my country, but that hasn’t always been the case. After being driven out of Missouri and Illinois, the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints moved westward out of the United States into the territory that is now Utah and the surrounding states. Shortly after the Mormons moved west, the U.S. annexed the land they were living in from Mexico. So I can see how my country and my faith could be at odds, but historically when it has happened, the opposition from my faith has been peaceful.

That’s probably why you don’t often hear of Mormon suicide bombers screaming “BYU rocks!” before exploding in crowded surroundings.

I shall be rather frank about sexuality in this post, so skip it if you prefer not to deal with the subject. — Captain Midnight

File this under the category of “What were they thinking?” and the sub-category of “Were they thinking?” The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel ran a story about hundreds of students in Port Washington High School being given a ten-question survey regarding their sexuality, told to provide written answers, and to discuss their answers. This happened on April 25th, 2006, the day before an annual event called “The Day of Silence,” co-sponsored by the New York City-based Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network. In connection with this “Day of Silence,” the Students for Unity group visited classrooms in the school, distributed the questionnaire, and led discussions on the student responses.

The school principal, Duane Woelfel, acknowledged that the group’s desire to prevent discrimination and harassment against people with “alternate lifestyles” was a good goal, but distributing surveys of a sexual nature was inappropriate. Ya think? Call me a prude if you like, but sexuality is too intimate a subject to subjugate to group discussion. And I’m talking about any group discussion of sexuality, sexual positions, and hands-on condoming of bananas. I don’t have a problem with biology or health classes teaching the basics of reproduction, even human reproduction, but any discussion which veers into the subjects of sexual techniques, positions, or any other hands-on “homework” leaves the auspices of education, and enters into the realm of advocacy.

As I see it, education can be broken down into categories of information, where all the facts are disclosed; advocacy, where a preference for a specific subset of facts is expressed; and propaganda, where some facts are deliberately hidden or glossed over in order to further an agenda. I’d have to say that the questionnaire falls into the final category, since the tenor of the questions is designed to lead to a very specific, accusatory kind of discussion about sexual preference, not a free and open discussion of all possible points of view.

I normally keep mum on all issues of sexuality, but since the Students for Unity group and some teachers at the high school saw fit to make this a public issue, I shall take up the gauntlet. I fully agree with them and with Principal Woelfel that people shouldn’t harass others for their differences, but I object to the chosen audience for this survey. I also disagree with the unstated assumption that heterosexual behavior and homosexual behavior are morally equivalent. The basic concept of the survey is to take common questions asked of people who identify as non-heterosexual, and invert them to apply to heterosexuals. While I understand their purpose, I don’t think it works quite as well as they hoped. Here are the questions and my responses.

1 – What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

Scientifically, the rise of sexual dimorphism in living species on this planet is the cause of my heterosexuality. It’s the way sexually dimorphous beings were designed to reproduce.

2 – When did you decide you were heterosexual?

Probably about the time girls somehow lost their cooties and stopped being so oogy.

3 – Could it be that your heterosexuality is just a phase?

It’s possible that my desire to breathe air and drink water is “just a phase,” but I don’t think I’d hold out very well if I tried to “grow out” of these habits. I freely admit, however, that it is quite possible for people to change their sexual preferences over time or in specific situations. As evidence, I offer up Anne Heche, numerous male prison inmates, and Elton John as examples of people who have temporarily or permanently changed their sexual preferences.

4 – To whom have you disclosed your heterosexuality? How did they react?

I’ve never felt the need to “disclose” my heterosexuality. Unlike some persons with whom I have spoken in the past, I feel no pressing need to express my sexual preference within the first three sentences of introducing myself to a stranger.

5 – If you have never slept with someone of the same gender, then how do you know you wouldn’t prefer it?

This is a very silly argument, any way it is used. There are a multitude of experiences I’ve never had, but which I can categorically state I would not enjoy. I don’t need to try a crap sandwich or get a Drano enema to discover whether I would like it.

6 – Is it likely that you have [sic] just haven’t met the right same gender partner yet?

Uh. No. Since I have already chosen and married a woman whom I view as an eternal companion, I’m not in shopping mode. (Besides, she has a cutlass, and she knows how to use it.)

7 – Why do you flaunt your lifestyle with wedding rings, photos at work and talk of your heterosexual escapades?

I rarely wear my wedding ring because gold irritates my skin. I don’t put up family photos at work. And I never talk about my sexual escapades. I mean it when I say it is an intimate subject.

8 – Your heterosexuality doesn’t offend me as long as you don’t try to come on to me, but why do so many heterosexuals try to seduce others to their orientation?

“Many”? Really? Name five. Can you even name two? This is a question that honestly doesn’t make any sense when it is reversed. On the flip side, to prove the point that there are people with same-sex attraction who try to seduce others, I call as my first witness NAMBLA — the North American Man-Boy Love Association. They unabashedly attempt to recruit young boys into homosexual relationships.

9 – Considering the battering, abuse and divorce rate associate with heterosexual coupling, why would you want to enter into that kind of relationship?

This is another question that makes no sense when reversed. Unfortunately, rates of battery, abuse, and divorce (well, permanent separation) run much higher per capita among those who identify as gays and lesbians than among their heterosexual counterparts. If you want to discuss demographics, U.S. Department of Justice statistics indicate that people with same-sex orientation are far more likely to be assaulted and battered by their sexual partners than married heterosexuals are.

10 – Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

While sex is important, fun, and private (how many times can I stress that?), it is not the most important thing in my life. I don’t define who I am based solely on my sexual orientation, and I would venture a guess that most heterosexuals don’t either.

I’ll state again that harassment of people because they are different is wrong. But this questionnaire was not the proper subject matter for a high school.