Oh, what fun! Over the weekend a water pipe broke in the basement, and gallons of water started to pour into the house. I made a quick call to a plumber, and he explained to me that based on current government guidelines, we would need to take care of the water already in the house before the plumber would fix the broken pipe. He suggested that we fine the water in the house, give it a “Z card” for temporary residency with an option for permanent residency, and I would need to pay for any doctor bills the water incurred.

OK, so I’m being silly, as you might have guessed, and I didn’t have a pipe break this weekend. It really happened several months ago during a bitter cold spell. I was sitting at my computer, and I thought I heard the shower running, but the sound was coming from the garage. When I took a look out there, water was pouring from the light fixtures on the ceiling. My first priority was to find the water main, shut it off, and cut off the flow of water pouring into the attic space above the garage. Once the water was shut off, it was time to start sweeping the water out of the garage — and to start wondering why anyone would put a bare water pipe in the attic over an unheated garage in the first place.

I could have focused on the water pouring out of the ceiling instead of cutting off the flow to the house. If I had done that, I would have spent all my time placing buckets under the streams of water draining out of the ceiling and mopping around where it splashed. Depending on how fast I worked and the number of buckets available to me, I could have kept up with the flow indefinitely, but who wants to live with a broken pipe?

Apparently, we do. We have a broken pipe of illegal aliens pouring into our nation. And in its infinite wisdom, the government is more concerned with putting out buckets and mopping up rather than first shutting off the flow. I have to wonder whether members of the House and Senate have ever had a broken pipe in their homes, and whether they were just as illogical in fixing that as they have been in fixing illegal immigration.

Our first priority should be to turn off the flow. Our second priority should be to clean up the mess and patch the pipe. “But Captain, are you saying we need to deport the 12 million illegals already here?” I’ve often heard that question, and I’ll answer it with another — once you have fixed the broken water pipe, do you leave the water standing where it poured in, or do you clean it out? I believe the analogy holds.

Can we stop the flow of illegal aliens completely? I wouldn’t bet on it, but we certainly can reduce the flow to a small trickle rather than a torrential flow, and a secure border is the best way to do it. I’m not guessing that a secure border would greatly reduce the flow because it has already been proved:

The San Diego Border Fence works:

  • Illegal alien apprehensions along the fenced region were reduced from over 202,000 in 1992 to approximately 9,000 in 2004. Further, it is estimated that the apprehensions vs. attempts ratio increased to over 90%;
  • Following the establishment of the San Diego Border Fence, crime rates in San Diego have fallen dramatically. According to the FBI Crime Index, crime in San Diego County dropped 47.3% between 1989 to 2000;
  • Vehicle drive-throughs in the region have fallen from between 6 to 10 per day before the construction of border infrastructure to only four drive-throughs in 2004, all of which were isolated in locations where secondary fencing is incomplete;
  • The fence has forced drug smugglers, who once crossed the San Diego border without contest, to focus their efforts of access through America’s ports of entry, significantly increasing the likelihood of discovery and seizure of illegal narcotics entering the U.S.

We have a broken pipe flowing into the U.S. Do you want to stop the flow first, or would you rather spend all your time, money and energy mopping up?

Both Republican and Democrat Senators have been working with White House Cabinet members on a new bill. As you read or hear about this bill, I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that it will almost universally be called an “immigration bill” by the mainstream media. Let’s admit here what it truly is — an illegal immigration bill.

Key senators in both parties announced agreement with the White House Thursday on an immigration overhaul that would grant quick legal status to millions of illegal immigrants already in the U.S. and fortify the border.

The plan would create a temporary worker program to bring new arrivals to the U.S. A separate program would cover agricultural workers. New high-tech enforcement measures also would be instituted to verify that workers are here legally.

The compromise came after weeks of painstaking closed-door negotiations that brought the most liberal Democrats and the most conservative Republicans together with President Bush’s Cabinet officers to produce a highly complex measure that carries heavy political consequences.

Interestingly enough, Republican Senator Arlen Specter stepped up to defend the bill — “It is not amnesty. This will restore the rule of law.” In related news, the Senate Industrial Tools Committee defended their reclassification of shovels. “It is not a spade. This is a multi-use bladed implement.” The Senate then broke into subcommittees to prove black was white and white was black.

Here’s how the news report explains this non-amnesty:

The proposed agreement would allow illegal immigrants to come forward and obtain a “Z visa” and–after paying fees and a $5,000 fine–ultimately get on track for permanent residency, which could take between eight and 13 years. Heads of household would have to return to their home countries first.

They could come forward right away to claim a probationary card that would let them live and work legally in the U.S., but could not begin the path to permanent residency or citizenship until border security improvements and the high-tech worker identification program were completed.

“Hola! I’m here in the U.S. illegally. Where can I get my amnesty?”

“It’s not amnesty. But here is your non-amnesty probationary card. And remember, this is not amnesty.”

“Ah, si! Of course this is not an amnesty card. The word amnesty has been crossed out and probationary written over it. Gracias for clearing that up.”

Try this on for size — how about we actually put real border security in place? And while that is happening, announce that anyone found in the U.S. illegally after a certain date will be deported to the nearest border and never granted a visa to return. On a second offense, they get to spend some quality time in a pink jumpsuit with that sheriff in Arizona.

If you still think that this amnesty bill is a great idea, how about placing it in context? This bill is currently about 400 pages long. Here’s a picture showing how that stacks up next to the Holy Bible.